


Awkward

by INMH



Series: Merry Month of Masturbation Fills (2016) [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Mild Sexual Content, Other, Strong Language, references to masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INMH/pseuds/INMH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter comes to Bruce with a favor. Bruce may or may not contemplate jumping off a cliff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awkward

**Author's Note:**

> So this. May have come to mind when I was brainstorming ideas for this story. 
> 
> And I may have recalled a certain Tumblr post.

“So.”  
  
Bruce raised an eyebrow. “So.”  
  
“I kind of need some help.”  
  
There was something in Peter’s voice that put Bruce on high alert.  
  
It wasn’t the first time Peter had come to either him or Tony for some sort of help. Sometimes it was business: Some sort of Spider-Man related assistance, whether it was information or backup. Sometimes it was innocent: Peter was in college and would, on the odd occasion, ask for assistance with homework.  
  
And sometimes, sometimes it was something Bruce wanted nothing to do with.  
  
And Peter always seemed to know that beforehand.  
  
“Okay. So, this story is going to seem a little… TMI at first. But it’s kind of important, so bear with me.”  
  
Bruce rubbed his eyes, already wondering if another coffee would be pushing his caffeine intake for the day. “Right. What is it, Peter?”  
  
Peter shifted a bit, the painfully-affected innocent smile on his face not dropping for a second. “I was at home last night.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“And I may have decided to have some fun.”  
  
Oh, hell no. Peter’s idea of ‘fun’ was like Tony’s idea of ‘fun’- the sort of thing that led to alarms going off, things catching on fire, and high blood-pressure for everyone involved. But since Bruce’s blood-pressure was a major determining factor in whether or not the nearest structure was about to get smashed by the Hulk, it was a considerably more dire consequence.  
  
“What kind of _fun_?” Bruce asked warily.  
  
“Uh…” Now Peter actually had the decency to look a bit uncomfortable. “The, uh… Kind a teenage boys likes to have in his room when his aunt’s out of the house?”  
  
It took a minute for it to click.  
  
“Oh. That.” Bruce fairly _deflated_ with relief. Of all the horrible scenarios that had been running through his head (including a surprisingly inventive one to do with Peter’s webbing and a fire-hydrant) this was, by far, one of the least horrible. Bruce was a doctor, he had no problem helping with sexual issues, be they education or medical.  
  
“Is everything alright?”  
  
“It was…” Peter nodded, and Bruce couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t making eye-contact with him anymore. “…and then things got a bit complicated.”  
  
He didn’t continue, and Bruce raised his eyebrows. “Complicated how?”  
  
“Uh…” Now Peter looked downright embarrassed.  
  
“Peter, you can tell me. I’ve seen a lot. Whatever’s up with you probably isn’t something I haven’t seen before.”  
  
Peter chuckled uneasily. “I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t start counting the chickens just yet, Bruce.”  
  
The wariness was starting to creep back in. Bruce was starting to wonder if maybe Peter’s usual idea of ‘fun’ had somehow crossed over with whatever sexual act he’d been performing the night before. “Meaning…?”  
  
Peter was silent for a moment. Then it all came out in a rush: “So it’s kinda funny, right? I mean not funny ‘haha’, but more like ‘oh wow isn’t that funny, I didn’t know you could get something stuck… in… there.”  
  
Silence.  
  
Bruce stared at Peter.  
  
Peter stared up at the ceiling.  
  
“…What?”  
  
“I really don’t want to repeat it.”  
  
“You got… _what_ stuck in there?”  
  
Why. Why was it always him? Why couldn’t Tony be here to handle the weird shit when it went down, Bruce already had a tentative hold on his mental health, and things like this made him wonder if there was any facility in the world that could hold him, because he felt like he needed to be in a padded room.  
  
“An item.”  
  
“Right, but what _kind_ of item?”  
  
“An item built for the purpose for which I was using it.”  
  
_Jesus_. “And now that item is stuck.”  
  
“Bingo.”  
  
Bruce’s head was starting to hurt. Badly. “And you couldn’t go to the emergency room because…?”  
  
“Oh, well, see, that’s kinda the fun part,” Peter’s chuckle had taken on a vaguely hysterical quality. “I may have made some. Um. Modifications to the… item.”  
  
Bruce took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He counted to ten, took a deep breath, and said, “What _kind_ of modifications?”  
  
“The… _Webby_ kind.”  
  
Bruce took another deep breath, and this time counted all the way to sixty before trusting himself to speak again. “And now you need me to remove it.”  
  
“That’s the rub of it, yeah.”  
  
Bruce was going to choke him.  
  
“Are you going to Hulk-out? Because you look like you might be about to Hulk-out. And as much as I like the big green guy, I’m not sure I want him poking around in my-”  
  
“Get into the fucking medbay, Peter.”  
  
-End


End file.
